Seek The Father

Blog Resurrection

2010-04-04T21:51:00.008-05:00

What better day than Easter to bring a blog back to life? We have a lot to be thankful for, and I just wanted to give you a glimpse into what's happening with Ben these days. It has been almost 10 months since his last surgery, and his airway seems to have healed perfectly. God has made it like nothing ever happened except for leaving the scars so Ben can always tell his story.

Ben is now in the process of working toward his new dream of growing up to become a race car driver. Originally, he wanted to grow up to be a race car, but he has set that dream aside for now until technology catches up. Right before Christmas our next-door neighbor gave us a Ben-sized 4 wheeler that his kids were too big for. Now that the weather is nice again, I foresee a lot of time trials up and down the cul-de-sac.

We were also fortunate to visit uncle Hal and Aunt Emilie in Montreal during Christmas break. Since we were already paying to bring along an extra suitcase of gifts, we tried others ways to minimize travel costs.

We also had a crazy snowstorm on the first day of spring that gave us a chance to practice the skills we picked up in Canada. I'm pretty sure that baby snowman is going to give me nightmares.

Here are a few videos of Ben learning how to be Canadian.

Burma

2009-08-26T01:19:00.007-05:00

This morning I'll be heading out for a two-week trip to Burma and China. We'll be visiting some of the thousands of new believers who have come to Christ since Cyclone Nargis hit Burma last May killing at least 130,000 people.

When you have a little time, do yourself a favor and watch this documentary about Burma that has been playing on PBS this past week. http://www.pbs.org/wnet/wideangle/episodes/eyes-of-the-storm/full-episode/5457/. It's a good way to catch up on what has been happening there and get a feel for what our native church planters go through as they preach the gospel.

Prayer for the Day

2009-07-21T21:47:00.003-05:00

Bread Alone

2009-07-14T22:18:00.007-05:00

It has been said that man can not live on bread alone. But we have discovered that boys can live on popsicles and gatorade alone for about two weeks with few apparent side effects (other than being extraordinarily sticky). The swallowing issues have finally worked themselves out for the most part, which means for the first time ever we don't have doctor's appointment on the schedule. Now that is a good feeling!

Over the 4th of July weekend, Ben had his first pool party at Uncle Chris and Aunt Michelle's apartment. When we first arrived at the pool, Ben latched onto me like an anaconda and didnt' want to go in. But after he realized he had the green light to splash his oupa as much as possible, he was hooked on aquatic life. I didn't really enjoy giving Ben baths for a long time because I was always concerned with water going down his trach so it's nice to be able to watch him float around in the pool for an hour without worrying that he'll try to go snorkeling.

Here's a picture of Ben and Adrienne in Italy. It could also possibly be the Philbrook Museum. You make the call.

Quick Update

2009-06-08T12:49:00.003-05:00

Ben is back home now after a few days in the hospital. He has been having trouble keeping down food and even drinking water makes him gag right now. The doctor said this is typical for this type of hernia surgery, and hopefully it should go away in a few more days.

Even 20

2009-06-01T22:54:00.002-05:00

Tuesday morning at 7:45 Ben will be having back-to-back surgeries in OKC. Dr. Digoy will be performing the last procedure to close the hole in Ben's neck since it has not healed up on its own. Then Dr. Tuggle will be working on Ben's hiatal hernia, and he will also close up the hole from Ben's stomach tube. The doctor said it's the largest hernia he has seen in a child. I'm glad Ben tries so hard to impress his doctors. At least he has an excuse for his gigantic belly. These will be the 19th and 20th procedures that Ben has endured during the past 2 and half years, and we're hopeful these will be the last ones until it's time for the obligatory gruesome sports injuries.

Ben will be in the hospital for at least one night, but it could be a lot longer depending on how complicated the hernia surgery is. It will be such a relief to finally have all of these problems fixed up and behind us. Thank you for holding our family up in prayer.

Parakeet

2009-04-23T12:22:00.004-05:00

I recently finished reading a thought-provoking book called The Blue Parakeet, and I'd like you to chew on a few ideas with me if you've got the time.

A great theme of the Bible is God's desire for oneness and restoration with everything he has created. The disobedience of Adam and Eve messed up the relationship between people and God, between men and women, and between people and the rest of creation. But we learn that through Jesus we can be reconciled to God, to each other, and to creation (Colossians 1:15-22).

Since the church is God's body, we continue this reconciliation until it is complete at the 2nd coming of Jesus. An example of this reconciliation is the issue of race and slavery. If I decided that I was going to move to another country, start a plantation, and buy some slaves, how would the elders at my church react? Would they quote Ephesians 6 and remind me to treat my slaves well? And if I brought the slaves back to Tulsa for a visit, would they quote Colossians 3 and remind the slaves that they need to obey everything I say?

Both of these are biblical New Testament responses, but can you see the shepherds of the flock saying these things? Hopefully they would reference Galatians 3 and say in Christ "There is no longer Jew nor Greek, slave nor free." Because Christ has freed us from bondage, we no longer bind other people.

If this is the way we interpret the Bible when it comes to race and slavery, why do we interpret it so differently when it comes to women? Mary and Elizabeth prophesied at the beginning of Luke's gospel. Anna prophesied about Jesus to both men and women. She did not do this in her house but in the Temple of God. The four daughters of Philip were all prophets. And Peter himself said at Pentecost that God would pour out his Spirit on both men and women, and they would prophesy.

Why have I always gone to 1 Timothy 2 and read about women learning in silence without balancing it with the numerous examples of God pouring his Spirit out and speaking through women? Priscilla shared the load in educating Apollos because she had knowledge about Jesus through the Spirit that Apollos needed but did not possess. That passage in 1 Timothy also prohibits braided hair and pearls, yet I have never found it necessary to be legalistic about those commands. Why have I lived my whole life being legalistic about women using their gifts to teach others about the glorious good news of Jesus Christ? Why do I feel comfortable snuffing out the Spirit of God as long as the person was born a woman?

In one of the best lines from The Blue Parakeet, the author says that Paul would roll over in his grave if he knew that his letters were being treated like Torah (the law). I think one can read Galatians and agree that this is certainly true. Paul destroyed the early Christians' reliance on the law not so that we could create a new law based on his letters, but so that we could actually live out a life where the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

Before the Fall, there was no concern between man and woman about who was in charge. God was in charge and they were in complete union with him and each other. Why do I have so much pride and arrogance now that I would not want to hear the words of God coming from one of my own sisters in Christ who has been given the gift of teaching or encouragement? Should we not let the Spirit of God determine what each person's roles and talents should be?

As a wise man once said, "We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." I need to let these verses sink into my soul.

I have defended the silence of women in the church for much of my life. I think the time has come to humble myself and learn from whomever God chooses to teach me through his Spirit. I no longer want to demand respect but to live a life that is worthy of respect. I want to do more than read the New Testament as the new law. I want to realize that it is the new covenant being lived out daily as the Spirit works through us just as he worked through Paul.

I wonder if the Christians of the 22nd century will look back at our times in bewilderment just as we look back and can hardly comprehend the use of the Bible to defend slavery in the 19th century. And I'd love to hear what you, my 21st century family, have to say about it.

Soaking

2009-04-16T23:07:00.004-05:00

We've reached that stage where Benjamin learns something new every day, and we get to laugh and soak it up. If I had to choose what career field Ben will enter based on his current skill set, I would have to say he should be a conquistador. His talent for claiming things that don't belong to him is unparalleled. A few weeks ago, he claimed an entire park near our house in his own name and began instructing other children to get off of his swings and slides immediately. This behavior led to an early ejection from the property, and on the way home Adrienne and Ben discussed his disputed territorial claims. By the end of the conversation, he capitulated with sobbing and tears running down his face, "It's everybody's park." I don't think we've seen the last of our little "Coronado".

Our commercial for St. John Hospital has finally hit the airwaves in Tulsa, and everyone else can check it out at http://www.sjmc.org/. It's on the home page in the bottom right hand corner where it says, "Ben's Story: Neonatal Intensive Care Unit".

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go to China for a week. It was a fantastic experience, and if you want to know more, you can hit me up on Facebook or shoot me an email. I've included my mug shot in Shanghai just so mom and dad will believe I went on the trip.

Trailing Off

2009-03-03T20:56:00.009-06:00

Today we'll go heavy on the media, with pictures by Jenny Connell for Ben's 2-year-old pictures. Our time at the hospital filming the commercial went great. Adrienne did most of the talking, Ben did most of the playing, and I was just there to be the trophy husband. I'm guessing it will probably be another month or two before it airs, but we'll let you know when it will be on TV around here. And maybe if I ask nicely, they'll let me post it here as well.

Ben Versus The Molehill

2009-02-17T21:53:00.006-06:00

I've been trying to figure out how to express what life feels like now that Ben's trach is finally out. I came across these words from Psalm 116 that say it best:

I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live...

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow...

The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.

The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling...

How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
you have freed me from my chains.

I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD.

To see Ben totally healed after the way things started out leaves me speechless. How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I want to, but I know I can't.

There have been a few times this past week where it felt like my spirit was touching God. I have never experienced anything like it. I don't even know if those are the right words to describe it. It was like God was pouring out so much grace on me that for a little while I could feel him around me. I wish I could explain it better.

My thank offering to God is to try and pour out some tiny portion of his grace on others. Can you imagine that day when we will walk into God's house and experience that closeness with God and each other forever?

Meanwhile, back on planet earth, we are teaching our child not to eat dirt from the front lawn.

Jumping Off A Cliff

2009-01-21T12:58:00.003-06:00

Since everyone else is talking politics this week, I might as well throw in my two cents. As you may imagine, I'm very disappointed that my plans to install a presidential puppet regime consisting of my son and cat never really materialized. I found out when I took Ben to Bible Hour on Sunday morning that Ben is deathly afraid of large-mouth puppets so it's probably for the best that the whole puppet regime thing didn't work out.

The first national election that I could vote in was back in 2000. At the time my criteria were pretty simple - the candidate must be anti-abortion and anti-slavery. George Bush (or as Ben calls him Jooj Pus) seemed to fit nicely into those categories so I voted for him in 2000 and 2004. In 2003 he signed the Partial Birth Abortion Ban and hadn't repealed the 13th amendment so he met all of my standards for a good president. Since that time, however, he has done very little that I have agreed with, and it has forced me to reconsider my voting criteria.

The 2008 race helped me narrow it down to 5 main factors:

1) Integrity - After Mitt Romney changed almost all of his positions on social issues just to run for the White House, I knew I had to add this one.

2) Basic Competence - After Sarah Palin failed to string together coherent sentences about major policy questions in her television interviews, I knew I had to add this one.

3) Humble foreign policy - I'm not a pacifist, but I think some occassional humility certainly wouldn't have hurt during the last eight years, and it didn't seem to me that McCain would have done anything to change this. Singing "Bomb Iran" to the tune of "Barbara Ann" didn't help his cause.

4) Abortion - I think there are a lot of things to like about Barack Obama (or as Ben calls him Bak O Mama) but his abortion record is attrocious. Hopefully, he'll be too busy fixing everything else to spend time on this issue.

5) Not a hobbit - This one may unfairly eliminate Dennis Kucinich, but I just feel like this rule needs to be here.

I voted for Huckabee in the primaries (even though he is a border-line hobbit), but since no one met all of my criteria, I didn't vote for a president in the general election. This election season was good because it forced me to sit down and think about what really matters in a president. It also made me think about what principle or ideal Christians should be working toward when it comes to government. Some think it’s freedom, others think it’s lining up the govenment's laws with Christian values, others think it’s social justice, and others think Christians should just step away from politics altogether. I'm curious to hear what you think.

I'll get back to posting Benjamin pictures and videos next time, but thanks for reading. Don't forget to pray for President O Mama.

Miracle Minute

2009-01-15T21:54:00.004-06:00

Here's Ben talking it up on his 2nd birthday.

On Ben's birthday, we decided to take a cake to the nurses at the NICU at St. John Hospital where Ben spent the first month of his life. We were also fortunate to meet the doctor on duty when Ben was delivered. He started the procedure to put in Ben's trach before the surgeon arrived and was definitely one of the people who helped save Ben's life that day. He was absolutely amazed that Ben had made it through all of this without any long-term health problems.

While we were there, one of the nurses said that Benjamin should be in a TV commercial for the hospital called "Miracle Minute". We would get to tell Ben's story and share how the doctors and the nurses at the NICU took care of our boy. We're scheduled to film it on the 19th of February so please pray that we're able to give glory to God and say the right things.

Revolution

2008-12-22T00:42:00.006-06:00

After our last visit with Dr. Digoy, he scheduled Ben's final surgery for January 9th to remove the trach. I was a little disappointed because I had been praying that Ben would have his trach out before the end of the year, but what's an extra week or two when you've been waiting for two years. Growing tired of the whole situation, Ben decided to take matters into his own hands.

On Saturday morning, Adrienne went into Ben's room to get him out of his crib, but she was surprised to find that Ben's trach was lying on the floor in the middle of the room. When she tried to put the trach back in, Ben's airway had already closed up enough that she couldn't get it back in. Being somewhat distressed by this, we called Dr. Digoy, and he told us that as long as Ben was breathing normally, we could just leave the trach out.

So Saturday went by without a problem, and that evening Ben slept for 11 glorious hours without us having to wake him up and suction him once. Needless to say, Sunday morning was great time of celebration with the church.

Very few things have gone according to plan over the past two years so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by Ben's unorthodox approach to trach removal. I do hope you'll keep all of this hush-hush since he's now guilty of practicing medicine without a license. I also hope you'll say a prayer of thanksgiving to God today for his mercy, healing, (and sense of humor).

Here are the first videos of "Life After Trach".

Right Line, Wrong Lap

2008-12-11T21:36:00.002-06:00

The end is still in sight; we just need to make one more lap around the track. Dr. Digoy decided to temporarily put in a special trach that let Benjamin breathe through his mouth and nose. The last time we tried this trach, Ben couldn't handle it. This time, however, he got used to it after a few minutes and slept through the night in the hospital without any suctioning or problems breathing. Since Ben passed this test, he's ready to have the final surgery to take out the trach. We don't know when this last surgery will be, but it should be soon.

Almost There

2008-12-08T20:38:00.002-06:00

The surgeon has decided that if Ben's airway looks good on Tuesday morning, he's going to proceed and take out the trach (decannulation). The surgery starts at 7:45 in OKC, and we'll be in the hospital for a few days if all goes well. It feels so good to have the finish line in sight.

Step One

2008-11-27T12:59:00.001-06:00

Today, we took the first and most important step toward successful potty training.

Always Faithful

2008-11-26T00:10:00.005-06:00

As I was suctioning blood and mucus out of Benjamin's neck at 4:00 in the morning in a cold hospital room while his sweaty little body was fighting off a fever and convulsing every 25 seconds for several hours in reaction to morphine that he had received the previous day, I caught myself asking God whether he really was okay with this situation. Surely God can do better than this, can't he? Almighty God must be pretty sick to just sit there and watch an innocent child suffer like this. The whole scene just made me angry.

Three and a half weeks later, I'm happy to report that it looks like Benjamin could get his trach out before the end of the year! Dr. Digoy looked at him today and said that Ben now has a normal-size airway. There's a litte more tissue that he'll be lasering out in two weeks, but if that procedure goes well, we're looking at December 23rd as the day Ben will get his trach out, which I'm guessing will be Adrienne's best birthday gift ever. And if things go smoothly, we would be discharged from the hospital on Christmas day (not a bad day to start a new life with Ben).

Some days it's hard to say, but on days like this it's easy to say, "Our God is faithful. Our God is love. Always."

Some videos for your enjoyment:

In a totally unrelated video, here's what happens when your co-workers have too much free time on their hands.

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There and Back Again

2008-11-02T19:58:00.000-06:00

We're home. Ben is doing well. God is good.

Quick Update

2008-10-31T08:48:00.002-05:00

After taking another look at Benjamin and talking it over with us, Dr. Digoy went ahead with the procedure to take out some of Ben's rib cartilage and graft it into the ring of cartilage around his airway so that it would be open wider. He also injected the Botox into Ben's muscles in that area so that they wouldn't compress the graft, which means Ben won't be able to vocalize for the next two to three months. Ben went into surgery at 11:00 and was finished a little before 5:00. All seems to have gone well, and he is being given morphine so it has been relatively easy to take care of him so far. We're hopeful that he'll be released from the hospital some time over the weekend. Many thanks for all of your prayers!

Audio Dictionary

2008-10-29T23:48:00.005-05:00

I don't know if this has happened to you, but last week the fan on my laptop just stopped working. My computer would only stay on for fifteen minutes before overheating and shutting down. After further investigation, I found the cause to be a gigantic computer hairball which had been developing over the past five years. The clog was so big that no air could escape out the back of the computer. It had never crossed my mind before that electronic devices could have gastro-intestinal disorders.

Anyway, here's a promised video and some photos of the Benjamite. His surgery starts tomorrow morning at 10:50 and will last for several hours. Ben will lose his voice for a few months because of this procedure so this will be his last "talkie" for awhile.

Books and girls...I'm have serious deja blog.

For Fall Festival, Ben dressed up as a small child being eaten by Elmo.

He can't stand the sight of seeing another child suffer the same fate.

Finally

2008-10-10T00:12:00.003-05:00

I want to apologize to all of you for my long absence from the blog. So many of you have stood with our family in prayer over the past two years, and for me to disappear like that is not fair to you. For those of you who still come by here occasionally, thanks for sticking around.

It has taken some time to process the things I've seen overseas and figure out what is worthy of sharing with you. I had the privilege of filming interviews with many faithful brothers and sisters in Christ. I listened as an Iranian man who was training to be a Muslim mullah told me how he started questioning his teachers, was forced out of the country, and then was imprisoned in Iraq for 3 years for coming into the country illegally. When he was released, he came across brothers from the church who told him the good news, and he became a follower of Christ.

I listened as an Iraqi engineer in his sixties told me how he had been abducted in Baghdad and held for ransom. When the money didn't come fast enough, the kidnappers shot him in the side of the head and dumped him out of the back of a van onto the street. While he was lying in the road, he had a vision of Jesus standing on a milky white sea. Jesus came to him, held him in his arms, and told him he would not die. When he awoke, a man picked him up off the street and got him to a hospital. The bullet had gone through his optic nerve and passed out his cheek on the other side. He lost sight in one eye, but after 40 days in a hospital, he was able to go home. I saw the scars on his face.

I listened as an Afghani actress in her fifties told of her arranged marriage to a forty-five year old man when she was only 13. While she was still a Muslim, she had several dreams of Jesus coming to her and giving her comfort in her difficult situation. Now she is a follower of Christ and goes around the country speaking out against the drug lords who are corrupting her nation. She puts her life on the line every time she speaks.

I met European missionaries who had such intimate relationships with God. They talked and wrestled with him about coming to serve in Afghanistan, but God clearly revealed to them that Afghanistan was the place they needed to be. I was floored by their fearlessness in finding ways to share the gospel in a country that is basically 100% Muslim. They are truly preparing a field so that others can reap the harvest of their hard labor.

Before I left for Iraq, I started reading The Shack, and I just finished it this evening. As many of you know it's, a book about a man who has a vision of God after his daughter is violently kidnapped and murdered. The writing style of the book annoyed me some, but the story blindsided me with how powerful it was. I highly recommend it.

All of these things put together have made me sick of my own cynical attitude about God using dreams and visions to reveal himself to people today. The faith of these Christians makes me ashamed of the half-faith I have in God - the kind of faith that calls out to God when I need help but doesn't really want him to be intimately involved in my life the rest of the time. I'm tired of limiting God's influence in my life to Bible verses and distress signals. Maybe I'll never see a vision of Christ before I die, but I at least want to be able to say that I lived my life like Christ was always living in me and with me.

There are many other things I could say about my time in Iraq and Afghanistan, but I'll save those for a venue other than a public blog. I know that I owe many of you a reply on Facebook.

Concerning Ben's next surgery, it's coming up on the 30th of October. The doctor will be going in and widening Ben's airway with a piece of his rib cartilage. What a privilege to live in a country where this is even an option for us. I'll try to put some more Benjamin pics and videos out here in the coming weeks, but thanks for stopping by. I'll be back soon.

Between Iraq and a Fireplace

2008-08-26T08:58:00.000-05:00

Good morning from sunny Irbil, Iraq. You know you're not in Kansas anymore when your flight from Jordan to Iraq leaves at 1:00AM, the man taking your boarding pass is busy puffing on a cigarette as he tears your ticket stub, and you arrive at 3:00 AM with the temperature at a balmy 95 degrees. At least the dead grass here reminds me of home and my own front yard. One other interesting travel note - I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing, but people on our flights seemed to have very little interest in locking the door when they went to the restroom, which led to some spectacularly awkward encounters and priceless facial expressions.

With the flying out of the way, we've got a full week of teaching sessions scheduled with the Kurdzman church, and later on in the week we'll be distributing Bibles, shoes, and Story of Jesus booklets to children at the local schools. All is going well so far, and I'm blessed to be traveling with such experienced older brothers in Christ.

Well, it's 8:00 AM now and I'm going to get a few z's in before things get going this afternoon. I'll let you know of any other amusing intercultural exchanges that take place. Please keep Adrienne and the Benjamite in your prayers these next two weeks.

Baby Circles

2008-08-07T00:48:00.003-05:00

Today we're home a day early and happy to be sleeping in our own beds this evening. Unfortunately, we're home early because Ben wasn't able to breathe well through the new trach so they put the old one back in this morning and sent us on our way. This leaves us back at the same point we were at back in March with the decision on whether to use the laser to remove part of Ben's vocal cord, widen Ben's airway by grafting some rib cartilage into the cartilage ring around his voice box, or just wait and see what happens.

The doctor said that he has recently started using Botox on patients who need a cartilage graft so that the muscles won't compress the cartilage that is being inserted. I always thought I still had a few more years before I had to give the Botoxing talk to my son.

In other news, we celebrated 7 years of marriage last week by bypassing Bartlesville and heading on up to Kansas City for the weekend. Since the name Kansas comes from an Indian word which means "Free Art Museums", our photos will center around this theme.

This picture combines two things I hate - giant spiders and staged photographs that take way too long to set up. (I believe this was take four).

Yes, those really are 20-foot-tall shuttlecocks that you see in the distance.

And my new favorite sculpture - it's kinda like Thinking Man meets Salvador Dali.

One other interesting bit of news - it's time for World Compassion's periodic trip to check up on our overseas projects. Our media guy is not able to go this time so at the end of the month I'll be off on a two week trip to film the work that our ministry supports in northern Iraq and Afghanistan. God has blessed me with this fantastic opportunity so please pray that all goes well and that time flies for Adrienne and Ben while I'm gone.

Phoenix

2008-07-24T21:36:00.012-05:00

Like a phoenix rising up from the ashes only to be blown out of the sky by an Okie duck hunter was my return to playing indoor soccer goalie after two years of retirement. Things can only get better after the 12-2 thrashing we received tonight. Hopefully, my return to blogging will go a little more smoothly.

There's a lot of ground to cover here so we'll use some pictures to help things along. Over the last 2 months there have been good times...

and bad times...

We've played in the legendary mole hills of Bixby. It's "Don't make a mole hill out of a mountain" around here.

We've inaugurated the tricycle era.

And for Father's Day, I received the first ever painting on canvas by the Shirtless Picasso (note the trademark blue ear). I believe he's calling this one "Something to Do Before 2nd Breakfast."

But mostly, Benjamin has been spending time with his two true loves - books...

...And his girlfriends.

As you'll see, the two seem to go together.

Sara Hill came over to our place and read some books for Ben. He was mildly excited about this.

And now you know the way to Benjamin's heart.

I think that pretty much sums it up. Ben hasn't had any surgeries for the past 6 weeks which has been very nice. His next one is coming up on August 5th, and it's a big one. The surgeon will be taking out Ben's trach and putting in a new one that will allow Ben to attempt to breathe through his nose and mouth. Before he switches out the trach, he'll go in and repair the damage that was done to Ben's airway when they put the first trach in. This means that everything above and below Ben's vocal cords should be pretty close to normal after the procedure, and putting this new trach in will let us see how much work the doctor still has to do to open up the airway between the cords. We'll be staying in the ICU at OU Children's Hospital in OKC on the first night after the surgery, and we're hoping he can go home on the 7th.

It's good to be back with y'all again, and thanks as always for praying for Benjamin.

Dictionary

2008-05-19T23:24:00.002-05:00

During this graduation season, I've heard many parents say that time has gone by so fast. I'm hoping the next few months go by in slow-mo; this has been a really fun age. Here's a taste of it.

Benjamin goes in to see Dr. Digoy again on Thursday. It's just a bronchoscopy, but we're hoping he'll see plenty of progress.

Sign of the Times

2008-04-29T22:14:00.004-05:00

Every time Benjamin has to go in for surgery or a bronchoscopy, we always have to starve him for several hours before he is put under anesthesia. Now that he's a bit older he's starting to learn how to put his sign language to good use. After an hour in the waiting room this morning, Ben had enough and began pulling out all the stops in order to get a little food. Since his signs were falling on the blind eyes of his parents, he began to work on the nurses in the room. By the time he had finished his routine of squeezing his fingers together and rubbing his chest to say "milk pleeeease" followed by his most pathetic frowny face and a few tears down the cheek, the nurses had melted into puddles on the floor. I'm pretty sure if Adrienne and I were not in the room, Ben would've had himself some milk and a steak dinner if he knew the sign for it.

Once they finally knocked Ben out, Dr. Digoy was able to see some good progress with Ben's vocal cords. One side of Ben's airway had opened up so well, that the doctor decided to use a laser to clear out the last little bit of tissue that was blocking that area. There's still a considerable blockage on the other side of Ben's airway around the vocal cords, but Dr. Digoy is now hopeful that this blockage may also recede like the other tissue did.

He told us that he did not feel comfortable doing the surgery that Ben was originally scheduled for because he had done several similar procedures on other kids in recent weeks and was not satisfied with the results. The surgery is pretty painful, and he didn't think it would open up Ben's airway wide enough for him to take out the trach. So we'll probably head down to OKC again in two or three weeks to see how Ben has progressed and figure out what's next.

Thank you all as always for your prayers and thoughtfulness,
Whit, Adrienne, and the Benjamite

I Hear You

2008-04-28T22:57:00.002-05:00

This afternoon Adrienne received a phone call from Dr. Digoy out of the blue. He said that he's been having second thoughts about performing this surgery on Ben. Instead of going through with the procedure tomorrow, we're just going to take Ben down to OKC to let the doctor see how the healing of his airway is progressing. Wouldn't it be fantastic if the airway had opened up on its own? I'll let you know what the doctor says when we get back home tomorrow evening. It's nice when God gives us a gentle nudge when we're heading in the wrong direction.

Talk to Me

2008-04-20T21:07:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I'm not exactly sure what I'm expecting from God when I pray. Some people say that God speaks to them or directly specifies which way they should go. Others say that God gives them a peace about the decision they're making. And others say that they pray for God simply to guide them through the wisdom and logic he has given to them.

This far on my journey in life, I've never had God speak to me directly (though I've had several instances where God has seemed to hit me over the head with a ton of bricks as I have read and been convicted by his Word.) And I guess there have been times, especially during Ben's first month in the hospital, that I felt God providing me with extra measure of his peace. For the most part though in my experience, God appears to act more subtly through a combination of different people and situations.

We have decided to go with the option to widen Ben's airway by grafting a piece of Ben's rib cartilage into the ring of cartilage around the voice box. The procedure will be done on Tuesday, April 29th and will take about 6 hours. They expect Ben to be in the hospital for about a week to make sure that the cartilage fuses properly and doesn't slip out of place. God hasn't told us to make this decision, and I don't really feel a peace about it either. Is it possible to say that you trust God will work things out even if you don't feel a peace about a decision you are asking him to help you with? Some might say that silence on God's part means that you should just wait for God to act and make things clear. I think Proverbs 20:24 sums it up pretty well, "A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?"

Well, that's enough of that for an evening. On with the Benjamin videos!

None of the Above

2008-03-16T23:18:00.005-05:00

"The truth is, I don't know what to do." Generally, this is not the phrase you want to hear from someone who has dedicated his entire adult life to helping kids with medical conditions similar to the one your own child has. These, however, were the first words out of Dr. Digoy's mouth when he came to talk to us after he finished looking at Ben on Thursday.

Originally, the doctor thought that Ben's airway was being blocked further down past the vocal cords, but he was able to see things more clearly now that Ben has healed. Both vocal cords are there, but he found that the excess tissue that was enveloping one of the cords has deformed the cord and pushed it out of its usual position, which is why Ben's airway is still blocked. Dr. Digoy said that he had never seen such extensive tissue growth in any of his trach patients (I believe some sort of prize is in order).

After he explained all of this, he said that we have three main options:

1) Use a laser to cut out the deformed vocal cord and the tissue surrounding it so that Ben's airway is clear and the trach can be removed sooner. Ben should still be able to talk with only one cord, but his voice would always sound raspy. Removing the cord could make it more difficult to swallow since the vocal cords are involved in preventing food and liquid from going down into the airway.

2) Leave the excess tissue and the cord alone, and instead widen Ben's airway by adding some cartilage from Ben's rib to the ring of cartilage around the voice box. This would allow Ben to breathe better and preserve his non-functioning vocal cord, but it would not solve the problem of getting the excess tissue out, which could lead to problems later on. This option could also make it more difficult for Ben to swallow since his airway is basically being propped open.

3) Wait for a year and see how Ben develops. This prevents us from making anything worse than it is already, but one of the things Dr. Digoy told us the first time we met with him is that he likes to move aggressively whenever possible to get trachs out since the mortality rate is higher for kids with trachs.

With options like that, you can see why he said he didn't know what to do. He said he'd like us to think on this and pray about it for the next week or two before we talk with him again and make a decision on which way to go. Obviously, I'd prefer for him to take another look down there in a few weeks and see that everything has been healed completely, but barring that miracle, we really have no idea what is best. Hopefully, God will somehow make that clear very soon.

On a little less serious note, today Ben has finally ended his 14 month long protest against bipedalism. I'm guessing the straw that broke the camel's back was watching Olivia toddling around at her first birthday party this past week. It's just too dangerous to allow a girl who can already beat you up to have a mobility advantage on top of that.

Here's a quick video of Ben's first walking adventure. The production quality is even lower than my already low standards so you may want to watch with a barf bag close by if you've eaten recently and are prone to motion sickness. Enjoy.

Come Again

2008-03-09T01:08:00.002-06:00

Just to let you know, I recently participated in an event that may possibly signal the beginning of the end. On the 15th of February, our friends Bobby and Melissa were blessed to bring Robert Michael Smith into the world. Melissa's baby shower, however, was scheduled for the 16th, but rather than reschedule, the show went on with Bobby opening presents and me writing down names and gifts. I'm sure this heinous act seriously violates the unwritten church of Christ shower protocol and even posting this photo may be an excommunicatable offense. But we are beyond the point of no return so here's a picture of two very confused guys lost in this big crazy world.

After Benjamin had his surgery back in December, we started noticing that when we fed him crackers we'd find a few crumbs in his trach. This went on for awhile and we finally decided to put some green food coloring in Ben's milk to see what the deal was. Unfortunately, after we gave him the milk, we found that the secretions that we were suctioning out of his airway were lime green.

The doctor said that Ben is still relearning how to swallow so bread crumbs and liquids tend to go down into his airway. This has forced us to take a step backward and start giving Ben most of his liquids through a stomach tube again. Yesterday at work I swallowed some water down the wrong pipe, and it made me think how annoying it must be for Ben to have that feeling every time he eats.

Ben's next surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. The doctor will be going down past the vocal cords and removing any excess tissue that's constricting Ben's airway. You all know what to do.

February wasn't much of a month for family videos so I leave you with one of Ben right before his birthday party. I take full genetic responsibility for the pot belly and chicken legs.

Revelation

2008-02-03T21:55:00.000-06:00

I suppose we've all come to expect good news about Ben's progress, but it still feels good to report it. Dr. Digoy examined the area where the cyst had been taken out last time, and he said he was "amazed" at how well everything had healed. With the cyst out of the way, he was able to take the first look at Ben's vocal cords. He could see that the left cord was in good condition, but he couldn't even find the right cord because the cyst continued all the way down over the area where Ben's right vocal cord should be.

Because everything else had healed well, the doctor decided to go ahead with the procedure to remove the next chunk of the cyst and determine the condition of Ben's other vocal cord (if it had even developed at all). There was a risk of damaging the vocal cord with the laser if the cord was underneath the cyst, but he was confident that the procedure could be done successfully. Half an hour later the cyst was out, and he discovered that Ben's right vocal cord was in its proper place, fully developed, and unharmed by the procedure. This means Benjamin will be able to speak once they take out his trach! That will still be several months down the road after Ben has his trachea reconstruction surgery, but it's such a relief to know that we'll be able hear his voice someday.

We're back home now, and Ben has recovered much more quickly from this surgery. You have once again been our advocates to God when we grow tired. I only hope you draw as much encouragement from this as we do.

With all our love,
Whit, Adrienne, and the audio-enabled Benjamin

Mystery

2008-01-28T23:04:00.000-06:00

I finally got around to reading Phillip Yancey's book "Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?" It felt good to finish something with a little more depth than Goodnight Moon (though I must say I wouldn't have minded an occasional pop-up page or velcro pig to keep things interesting). The book brought up some issues that I had tucked away in the months after Ben was born.

Many people associated with Oklahoma Christian University were praying for a little girl named Harper Hawley around the time that Ben was in the hospital. I didn't know the Hawley's well, but I was touched by all the struggles they were going through as their baby's health slowly deteriorated.

At times it felt strange to write about all of the answers to prayer we were witnessing while another faithful Christian family had to deal with God's silence and the eventual loss of their child. Both babies had legions of people praying round the clock for their healing, yet God allowed one to live and one to die. How can we say our prayers truly make a difference when we see seemingly arbitrary behavior on God's part? We serve a mysterious God. All I know is that I come home every day to a smiling, healthy baby boy who should not be alive after everything that happened to him. That fact prevents me from saying that prayer doesn't make a difference even though I understand so little about prayer.

On Friday, Ben goes in for his next round of surgery. Dr. Digoy will be taking a look at his vocal folds to see if they're still blocking his airway. If they are, he'll have to do some delicate work to cut back the vocal folds. We're hoping that he may even be able to tell us whether Ben will be able to speak someday. I don't know how prayer works, but I have seen the influence of your past prayers and ask that you continue to pray for Ben's complete healing. The two weeks after Ben's previous surgeries have been very stressful (little sleep, constant suctioning), and if you could pray for peace in our house during that time, we would love it.

Well, Jenny Connell has outdone herself again with Ben's 1st birthday photos. Her ability to bring out all of Ben's expressions is fantastic. I leave you with some of her latest work.

The Race

2008-01-06T15:39:00.000-06:00

Thanks to many of you for the birthday well-wishes this past week. I received a special birthday present on the 3rd when Mike Huckabee was propelled to victory in Iowa due to an endorsement by Chuck Norris and the Huckabee bumper sticker on my car. I'm willing to split the credit 50/50 with Chuck.

After his poor showing in Iowa this past week, Ben has decided to drop out of the race in order to give his full attention to learning how to walk. It's unfortunate because we really wanted to unveil his presidential portrait to the world, but I'll go ahead and let you have a look.

Benjamin had his birthday party on Saturday so I'll leave you with some photos of the highlights.

Christmas Card

2008-01-01T01:22:00.000-06:00

We've never been ones to send out Christmas cards so here's our Christmas card to all of you.

And here's the difference between December 31, 2006 and December 31, 2007.

Happy New Year!

Get Up

2007-12-25T00:10:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, I thought I'd share my favorite passage of Scripture for this past year. When I read it, it gives me chills.

While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”

Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him.
After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. Mark 5:35-42

We have all lived this passage together this year. God is STILL with us. Merry Christmas.

Lawnmower Man

2007-12-17T23:37:00.000-06:00

Down Under

2007-12-09T22:19:00.000-06:00

Before Benjamin went in for surgery on Friday morning, Dr. Digoy explained to us that Ben would be undergoing a procedure called marsupialization. This is one of the more amusing medical terms I've heard so far. Ben already exhibits some of the characteristics of a koala (cute from a distance, but possessing perilously sharp teeth and claws) so having him marsupialized seems somewhat redundant. Dr. Digoy went on to explain that this just means he would be talking the crud out of the middle of the cyst which would leave an empty pouch to heal back normally.

The procedure took a few hours, but everything went smoothly. While Dr. Digoy was working on the cyst, he found some other problems that will require more surgery before Ben can get the trach out. Because the cyst was so large, it pressed against the false vocal folds so that they are now also blocking Ben's airway. If the folds do not move back to their normal position once the cyst heals, Ben will have more surgery in 4 to 6 weeks to remove some of the tissue that is still blocking his airway.

Dr. Digoy also noticed that Ben's trachea has collapsed above the area where the trach was inserted so he will probably have to use a piece of one of Ben's ribs to reconstruct part of Ben's trachea. In spite of all of this, Ben's doctor is hopeful that the trach could be removed in the next three to six months if these other procedures go well.

We're all back at home now recovering from a tiring weekend, and we want to thank all of you for your prayers. God continues to give us strength through your faithfulness.

Whit, Adrienne, and the koala

Cyst Removal: Take 2

2007-12-06T23:14:00.000-06:00

Ben goes in for laser surgery to remove the cyst that is blocking his airway at 9:30 on Friday morning at OU Children's Hospital in OKC.

Woodchuck Gallery

2007-11-17T12:46:00.000-06:00

No wood surface is safe in the Gatewood house these days.

That last photo was taken by Ben's uncle Hal while he and Emilie were visiting from Montreal last week. For more photos of Ben and family, you can check out Hal's Flickr page.

A few weeks ago we took Ben down to OKC for a second opinion by Dr. Digoy, and things are now moving forward quickly. Dr. Digoy said that the cyst that was blocking Ben's airway appears to have grown back. We're going in for an MRI and overnight observation on November 30th, and then Ben will have another laser surgery to take another shot at removing the cyst. The good news from all this is that if the procedure goes well and Ben heals properly, he could have the trach out in a few months instead of years like Ben's other doctor was talking about. We are pumped about that and would love your prayers over the next few weeks.

Kiss You I Must

2007-10-31T23:51:00.000-05:00

A short time ago, at a party far, far away in Wagner, Oklahoma, Ouma Kay came across...

...the wisest Jedi master of them all.

Hey don't laugh. You don't want to make him angry.

That's better.

Yoda was gracious enough to sit for a photo op with Olivia and his new friend Super-Kaden. Coincidentally, Yoda also seems to have a problem with direct eye contact.

But as we all know, even Jedi masters can be influenced by the power of the dark side.

Kiss or kiss not. There is no try.

The Great Outdoors

2007-10-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

Now that Oklahoma is cool enough for people to go outside again, Ben has been getting in touch with his inner Aussie while sporting his oupa's Akubra.

No it's not the River Dance; whenever we put Ben down on the grass, he does a little jig to keep his feet from touching the ground.

Benjamin shows his appreciation of nature by preparing to consume the local flora.

Grandma put in a special request for a picture showing Ben's scholastic side. In this shot we are reading Touch and Feel Kitten and discussing the philosophical and practical implications of yanking handfuls of kitty fur. Gordo is pretty sure that Ben did not pay any attention to what I was saying.

On a more serious note, it took about 50 phone calls, but we finally have an appointment with a Pediatric Otolaryngologist in Oklahoma City on November 7th. I want to thank Phyllis Thornton for helping us track down someone in Oklahoma who specializes in Ben's type of medical condition. She also directed us to a website that actually describes Ben's condition at birth. Appropriately, it's called CHAOS.

Calvin and Hobbes (or Tigger)

2007-10-03T23:25:00.000-05:00

Ride The Horse

2007-09-23T00:12:00.000-05:00

Sticky

2007-09-17T00:02:00.000-05:00

No parenting experience is complete without a drive to the ER through the pouring rain in the middle of the night. We had ours last weekend at 2:00 Saturday morning. Benjamin was wheezing horribly and struggling to breathe; at one point his pulse was over 200 beats per minute. That was enough for us so we drove across town to St. John and had an all too familiar evening in the hospital. Thankfully, Ben was only diagnosed with acute bronchitis and nothing more serious. By the end of the weekend, Adrienne and I had come down with our own colds. It has been a very sticky week in the Gatewood house.

It's been quite amusing to watch how kids respond to Benjamin and his trach. Awhile back, Benjamin made his first trip to Wal-Mart. A few minutes into it, Ben was gurgling pretty loudly and needed to be suctioned. A five year-old in the produce section took note of this and watched as Adrienne suctioned Ben. When she was finished, the kid turned to his mom and said, "Look mom, that lady has a baby vacuum!"

Kids also have some funny questions. Unfortunately, the most common question that I've fielded about Ben is, "Is that a boy or a girl?" This is one of those "where have I gone wrong as a parent" questions. The only logical conclusion is to reinstate the fauxhawk as soon as possible. If that doesn't work, I may have to resort to temporary tattoos.

We also have some new developments in Ben's trach care. I've been working with our HMO and Ben's pediatrician, and it looks like we're going to be able to get a second opinion at the National Jewish Medical Center in Denver, which has been rated as the #1 respiratory hospital in the country for the last ten years by U.S. News and World Report. It's not a done deal yet, but things are looking good. By the way, several people have asked if Ben is enrolled in the Sooner Start program, and I just wanted to let you know that he is.

Thanks as always for your prayers and thoughtfulness,
Whit, Adrienne, and Mr. Benjamin

OU Tryout

2007-09-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

I'll have another blog entry coming soon, but while you're waiting, here's a clip to get you ready for football season.

Show Me A Sign

2007-08-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

On Friday, Benjamin had another bronchoscopy and also had more excess tissue removed around his trach. After the doctor had a look, he told us that Ben's trachea is constricted due to the scar tissue that formed after his cyst was taken out. He said that it could be years before Ben is ready to have the trach removed.

In my mind, I had been building this image that the trach would be out by the end of the year, and Ben would just be a few months behind developmentally. Now that this looks less likely, we have to prepare more seriously for raising a child who may have little or no speaking abilities for several years. As a first step, we picked up a sign language book this weekend and will start working a few signs into our daily routine. Whether God continues to bless Ben with quick healing or gives us the challenge of dealing with the trach, we'll try to see it as an opportunity for God to do great things through Ben.

And now it's time for some professional photos taken by Jenny Connell.

The Hajj

2007-07-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again; the time when I drag Adrienne off to some place without sufficient air conditioning in celebration of our anniversary. In keeping with our theme of tourist destinations long past their prime (Eureka Springs, Galveston, Keokuk, Lawrence, and Hot Springs were our stops the previous five years) we topped them all by heading on up to Bartlesville, Oklahoma for a weekend getaway.

Those of you who have been brushing up on your Oklahoma Christian University history will know that Bartlesville is the university's birthplace back when it was Central Christian College. No one can be a true alumnus without making at least one pilgrimage to the site during their lifetime. The school is now Oklahoma Wesleyan University, but Adrienne and I think it has more of a Casa Bonita feel to it. Just think about the business model OC missed out on - "Oklahoma Christian, the place for a quality Christian education and low-budget-all-you-can-eat-Mexican food all in a small-town-faux-Spanish-villa setting."

After the hajj was completed, we swung by Frank Lloyd Wright's only skyscraper. We'll save the discussion on why Bartlesville would need skyscrapers for another day.

And last but not least, we stopped by the Woolaroc ranch and museum where we snapped a few pictures that I think Hal would be proud of.

I know most of you who stop by the blog are looking for the kiddo so here is his latest video. Since Ben can't use his vocal cords yet, his oupa is teaching him to speak "duck". You'll probably need to listen closely.

6 Month Reflections

2007-07-01T00:23:00.000-05:00

Today Benjamin is half-way through his first trip around the sun. That's about 180 days more than I expected during those first few hours after he came into the world. Every one of those days has been a gift from God; though I have often forgotten to acknowledge it. Here are a few things I've been thinking about now that Ben has made it this far.

Ben's first five months have been the hardest five months of my entire life up to this point (followed closely by our time in Abilene). At times it felt like God had given Satan permission to beat our marriage with a shovel. Having a child with health problems put stress on our marriage that I was totally unprepared for. I know that your prayers helped us through those days, and the last three or four weeks really have been much better.

Ouma Kay is an incredible person. Her care for Ben, Adrienne, and me has been tremendous and has lightened our load considerably. What a blessing to have grandparents close by.

My faults seem magnified when compared with Ben's innocence. I desperately want him to succeed where I have failed and be so much more than I am. I want to teach him that the only way that can happen is by putting everyone else above yourself and following Christ with all your heart. May my example never be a stumbling block as Ben learns to follow God.

Anyway, here are a few more photos for your viewing pleasure:

Benjamin carries on his father's tradition of being just a bit awkward around the ladies. I suppose direct eye contact is something we'll be working on during his seventh month. He's probably feeling a little pressure after Shane "The Matchmaker" Coffman announced Ben's upcoming marriage to Olivia in front of the entire congregation the Sunday after she was born.

This is one of those pictures I've really been wanting since Ben was born - four generations of firstborn Gatewoods. Great-grandpa was in town with us this weekend to celebrate his 87th birthday.

And finally, this is a picture of our first top-secret campaign strategy meeting. Ben did most of the talking and decided the voter apathy that was apparent from our poll earlier in the week is a sign that the country may just be indifferent enough to allow a 6 month old and a cat to run the whole show. He already has uncle Hal working on the official campaign T-shirt.

Thanks for your love and prayers over these past six months,
Whit, Adrienne, and El Presidente

Campaign 08

2007-06-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

After surveying the current field of candidates and finding them lacking, Benjamin has decided to form an exploratory committee to assess his chances of becoming president in 2008. His platform of mandatory siestas, "a bottle in every pot", and aggressive tort reform just might put him over the top. To help us out, please select who you would vote for if the 2008 election were held today.

Clinton
McCain
Obama
Giuliani
Sajak/White
Ben/Gordo

If Ben's campaign falls apart, my second choice will probably be Huckabee. He meets my seven criteria for president. He openly confesses faith in Jesus Christ, is anti-abortion (the number of babies aborted in the U.S. in the past week is higher than the number of U.S. soldiers lost during four years of war in Iraq), doesn't believe we came from monkeys, wants to abolish the IRS, plays the bass guitar, pronounces nuclear with only one 'oo', and has a sense of humor. Take a look.

This message brought to you by the Ben/Gordo 08 exploratory committee.

Flushed

2007-06-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

If you're wondering where the blog entries have been over the last month, they have all been flushed down the toilet for being boring and whiny. Theresa and Shane have both been talking about blogworthiness recently, and let's just say you should be glad I've had a bad case of blogstipation. Thankfully, Father's Day has been the metaphorical prune juice that this blog has needed. Let's all hope it doesn't lead to the dreaded blogorhea that Shane has warned us about.

And now for some pictures of the boy who put the fun back in fundoplication (special thanks to Little Mrs. Pinkie for several of the photos):

There comes a time in the life of a man where he must decide where he stands on one of the most important philosophical questions of our time: "To comb over or not to comb over?" Due to Ben's early onset hair loss, he has been forced to answer this question after only five months in this cruel world. Much to my dismay, he has chosen in favor of the comb over. I don't have the heart to tell him how silly it looks, but maybe the puzzled glances of some his peers like Will, Sam, and Olivia will bring him to his senses.

Next up, we have Ben with Ouma and Grandma. To defray some of Ben's medical costs, we're going to have him do some part-time trach modeling. I think we'd all buy a trach if this picture were on the box. "Trachs - when one nose just isn't enough."

My handsome boy and beautiful girl.
Just when you thought the Claw was vanquished, his evil twin strikes unexpectedly. It's anyone's guess what happens now; all I know is that the ectoplasm is flowing freely and no one is safe.
It has been a very good first Father's Day, and I hope to be back here again sooner rather than later.

Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Benku

2007-05-20T07:59:00.001-05:00

Blogging a struggle
Mired in an endless funk
Haiku to rescue

Baby gains slowly
Feeding child constantly
Bottom three percent

Tissue grows around
trach, needs to go soon, minor
surgery June 1st

Gurgling as he eats
Swallow study upcoming
Surgery once more?

Baby needs prune juice
Dirty diapers rare; when seen
Wife does dance of joy

Rejoice always, pray
without ceasing, in all give
thanks, I am failing

Ben loves powered swing
Cheesy music pacifies
Dad happy and sad

When I come home, Ben
smiles at me; could there be
anything better?

Haiku just for fun
Stop counting the syllables
Admit it, you were

Join the Club

2007-05-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

My in-laws are no longer certified Maine-iacs. This past Thursday Noel and Kay closed on a home a mere mile and a half down the road from us. Who would have guessed that Ben's oupa (pronounced o pa) would end up being an Okie living in Bixby? My dad, not wanting to be left out of the exotic foreign nickname club, has recently styled himself as faux pas. If you see him around, you can make his day by calling him this, but don't be surprised if my mom just shakes her head when she hears the beautiful "language of love" butchered once again for comedic purposes.

You Might Have a Four-Month-Old

2007-04-21T20:50:00.000-05:00

If you pull up to a traffic light and have a deep inner struggle about whether you can get a nap in before the light turns green again, you might have a four-month-old . And if you come home and tell your husband about this struggle and instead of being chastised for your lack of safety consciousness, he says he wishes that he thought of it first and will try it the next time he's on the road, you might have a four-month-old. If you get a free hour to go on a date and choose to collapse on a blanket in the park, you might have a four-month-old. And if every shirt in you laundry hamper has drool stains over three inches in diameter, you might have a drooling problem, or you might have a four-month-old.

Thanks to God, a surgeon, and a laser beam, our little Benjamin is now cyst-free. Ben was in surgery for about three hours, and the surgeon said that they were able to get the whole cyst out without any problems. He spent the night at the hospital and was doing well enough that they discharged him on Wednesday evening. Right now we're doing all of his feedings through his stomach tube, which is a two-person job since he's been a lot fussier since the surgery, but hopefully he'll get back to regular feeding some time next week.

The surgeon also told us that the opening to Ben's windpipe is smaller than other kids his age so it may still take a while for him to start breathing normally. He said that it could be years before they take the trach out, but I'm hopeful it will be much sooner than that.

Ben's weight during all of this has been one of our biggest frustrations as he is almost four months old and still under 10 pounds, which puts him in the bottom 3 percent of babies for his age. As you can imagine, this can be pretty stressful for a mom to deal with on top of everything else that's been going on. If you could pray about that situation, we would be grateful.

The Big Day

2007-04-17T04:17:00.000-05:00

Well Ben's surgery is coming up at 12:30 today, and I'm having trouble sleeping. It has been a while since I've put a video out there so here is Benjamin's sophomore production for your enjoyment.

A Change Would Do You Good

2007-04-16T23:24:00.001-05:00

Apparently my first attempt at getting on the cat scripture site just wasn't good enough, but I'm going to give it one more shot. You'll have to help me choose which verse to pick though.

1 Corinthians 15:51 "Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—"
or
Matthew 18:3 And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Reconciliation

2007-04-07T00:59:00.000-05:00

Good Friday to all of you. Today Christians remember an act of selflessness that brought us hope and reconciliation with God. It's an act that Jesus amazingly calls us to reenact on a daily basis. Have I ever had one day that lived up to Jesus' sacrifice on the cross let alone doing it day after day after day? Praise God for his mercy and undying devotion to perfecting us through the blood of Christ.

This afternoon God gave us the chance to experience some much needed reconciliation of our own. Two of our former teammates, Carlos and Maribel Preciado, who were part of our mission team that was going to plant a new church in Miami, were in town for a gospel meeting and stopped by our place for a visit. There are numerous reasons why our mission team fell apart before we even finished our training in Abilene, but one of them was our inability to work out our differences with Carlos and Maribel. Feelings were hurt on both sides, and we at least, left Abilene with a bitter taste in our mouths.

Some say that time heals all wounds, which is a total lie, but God can certainly heal any wound we ask him to heal. When he forgives us of so much, how can we continue holding a grudge against our own brothers and sisters? As I talked with Carlos in our living room, I was so happy to hear of all the things that God was doing in their lives. Though our team fractured, God is mending all of us and using us to do his work even if we are in different places.

After they left, we opened up a gift they brought for us. Inside was a rock engraved with a cross, a dove, and a scripture. The scripture was Psalm 33:5 which says, "The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord." I'm going to keep it on my desk at work as a constant reminder of God's power to reconcile us to himself and to each other through the cross and the Holy Spirit. Thank you Carlos and Maribel for visiting and may God continue to bless your work in Miami.

In other news, we got a great report from Ben's surgeon after he took some pictures of the cyst in Ben's throat. He said that the cyst doesn't appear to be growing, and Ben has grown enough that they will be able to do the surgery on April 17th instead of waiting until the summer. The pictures were incredibly clear so I thought I'd share one with you. You can see the dangly thing in the back of Ben's throat and the big blob just below it to the left is the cyst that is blocking his wind pipe. It's amazing how one little fleshy bump can change your whole life, and I'm not talking about Ben's uvula.

I know this post has been going on forever, but I've got one other thing to share. Adrienne's grandmother has made some great Swarovski crystal gospel bracelets that I am selling for her on eBay. These bracelets are a great conversation starter and give you the opportunity to tell others about the faith you have in Jesus. If you're interested, just follow my eBay link on the right side of the page. Man what a good day, Christ dying for my sins, reconciling with fellow Christians, a new surgery date, and brownie points with the grandmother-in-law.

Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Chasm

2007-03-29T00:43:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I have never had the reputation of being a morning person or a multitasker. I'm sure that very few of you have witnessed me string together a series of coherent phrases before 11AM. This problem only gets worse on Saturday mornings. Lately, my Saturday morning responsibilities have been expanded, and the caveman in me has been forced to adapt accordingly. The following pictures show off some of the new skills I have picked up as a dad.

The unforeseen side-effect of this morning multi-taskedness is that I have started to grow long spaghetti-like tentacles out of my face. (It's actually Benjamin's suction machine tubing hanging perfectly in the background).

Speaking of tentacles, the reign of terror in our household is coming to an end. The sun is quickly setting on the Claw's dominion as the Chasm's time has come. This past week Ben discovered how to fit the entire Claw inside his mouth, reducing the Claw to a slobbery shell of its former self. I have documented this changing-of-the-guard with before, during, and after photo evidence.

Just one more proof that good always triumphs over evil in the end,
Whit, Adrienne, and the Chasm

Nemesis

2007-03-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

It amuses me that Benjamin's most sinister enemy during his first three months of life has been his own hand. Sure it looks so little and innocent, but when left unattended, it becomes an eye-gouging, face-scratching, hair-pulling, ear-pinching, nose-picking, daddy-punching claw of destruction. Imagine its power if we could harness it for good and not evil.

Ben and the claw had their first chance to meet with the church two weeks ago. The claw was on its best behavior, and Benjamin managed to keep from crying the whole time he was up front being introduced to the congregation. Shane gave us the opportunity to thank everyone for all their prayers and generosity, and we all gave God the glory for his mercy and power in Ben's life. After we sat down, Ben was quickly ejected from the auditorium for fussing, but we had a pretty good ten minute run of happiness before he had to leave.

The big news is Noel and Kay's arrival in Oklahoma last week. I joke about outlaws, but things have gotten much better around here since they showed up. It's a huge blessing to have grandparents around who can help us take care of our little guy. Here are a few of Ben's reactions to the new arrangements.

Before and After

2007-03-07T23:46:00.000-06:00

I've got a game for you to play. Can you find the difference between the following pictures? Take your time.

Give up? The first picture is before seven-foot tall, powered, inflatable stork with sign (BSFTPISWS for short), and the second picture is after seven-foot tall, powered, inflatable stork with sign (ASFTPISWS). I'm surprised you didn't get that. Our friends Bobby and Melissa Smith are now the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl named Olivia Rose who was born on Saturday. I figured there was no better way to celebrate than installing a massive lawn ornament in their yard during high wind season in Oklahoma.

Unfortunately, after I drove all the way across town to put it up, I realized that it had to stay plugged in to stay inflated. Of course there was no outlet on the front of their house to plug into, and my plan was almost foiled. Just as I was about to give up, their next-door neighbor, who I have never met before, drove up and saw the sad deflated scene. I'm pretty sure she thought I was a crazy person, but I told her what I was doing, and she found an extension cord and let me hook up the stork to her garage outlet. The great stork disaster was narrowly averted, and the big guy was there standing tall and proud to greet them when they came home from the hospital. Big thanks to Mary Daugherity for coming to our baby shower and providing us with this gift that just keeps on giving. You give the best gifts Mary.

Back at our place, over the last few weeks Benjamin has discovered the dieting "holy grail" of eating all you want without gaining an ounce. If I can just get him to share the secret with me, I'll make billions. I've tried to teach him the one blink for "yes", two blinks for "no" system, but Ben is master of the staring game and can go for quite a long time with his eyes plastered open. He has earned the nickname Moth Man in our house for the way he stares at any light that happens to be on. Don't quit your South Beach diet yet.

Since Ben is still short of 9 pounds the doctors have ordered that he be put on a continuous feeding machine for twelve hours a day. I've got to tell you this kid is a sneaky one. I'd thought we'd seen the last of that machine in the hospital, but he's figured out a way to get it back. Hopefully, the machine will help Ben transform from a stick figure into a sumo in the next month or two.

Moth Man also got to meet with the church for the first time on Sunday. But I'll save that story for next time.

May all your storks be powered,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Photo Shoot

2007-02-26T17:47:00.000-06:00

Awhile back I mentioned that our friend Jenny Connell took some professional photos of Benjamin. Well, she came by our place on Thursday and took some more so I thought I'd share a few with you. Ben cried and fussed through most of the photo shoot, but amazingly Jenny was able to get some cry-free shots of him. Enjoy.

Outlaws

2007-02-24T21:41:00.000-06:00

Hide the women, children, small furry animals, and household electronics. The outlaws are coming. They'll be sweeping down from the frozen tundra of the North and descending upon Tulsa in two weeks. But this time around they'll be staying for good. Benjamin is going to be living the good life with his ouma and oupa living in the same town. What will happen to the rest of us? I have no idea.

Some of you might have noticed that you can now leave comments on the site without registering. When I first made this blog, I didn't require registration, and within 3 minutes of posting my first entry I already had someone leave an advertisement in the comments. Well, I'm going to give it one more shot so comment all you want, but if I catch you posting ads telling me how much money I can save by refinancing my mortgage, I will be forced to turn you over to the outlaws, and I know you don't want that.

I had the pleasure of eating lunch on Thursday with some of my former coworkers from ChoicePay. When I showed up at the restaurant, they surprised me with a cake made entirely out of diapers. I've always preferred the kind with white cake and chocolate icing, but I have to say that this one was pretty impressive if a little less tasty. Big thanks to Sandee and Elspeth for their incredible cake-making talents and thanks to all my friends at ChoicePay for thinking of us.

You'll be happy to know that I'm over the shingles for the most part, which means I can hold Benjamin without wearing gloves and three layers of clothes. It also means I get to see many of you at Memorial Drive in the morning. Hopefully, if Ben keeps doing well, we can bring him with us next weekend. I know Ben wants to meet some of the people that have praying for him over the last two months.

See you soon,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Baby 2.0

2007-02-17T00:38:00.000-06:00

Note: Management does not take responsibility for any of the following comments written while Whit was under the influence of pain medication prescribed to help him in his battle against the dreaded shingles. Please proceed at your own risk. One other thing, if he asks you to scratch his back, just say no.

It's been a while since we last talked. If you wouldn't mind too much, could you scratch my back for a second? No? Adrienne wouldn't either. What is it with you people?

On Thursday, Benjamin went in for his first post-hospital upgrade. He is now the proud owner of a mickey button. Why it's called a mickey button, I do not know, but it's basically a gas cap for Ben's tummy. Previously, he had a foot-long tube coming out of his stomach that was always getting caught on things and was generally a nuisance. Now we just pop the cap, hook up a tube, poor in the milk, and pop the cap back on. These things should be standard-issue equipment for kids - very cool. I like to think God gave us a kid with the options package included: bonus air-intake mechanism, bonus fuel-intake mechanism, and he threw the bonus hair in free of charge.

With everything we've gone through over the past month or two, I'm embarrassed that I haven't bragged on how awesome my employer has been this whole time. I'm the IT guy for a ministry called World Compassion that brings the gospel to countries such as Iraq, Afghanistan, China, and Myanmar that are generally hostile to Christianity. We do this by providing humanitarian aid, distributing Bibles and Christian literature, and supporting house churches. If you ever get down about what's going on in Iraq, stop by the site some time and see how you can help get the good news to people whose lives are shaken by the bad news we see every day. Anyway, my boss has been so flexible with my schedule, and we are still eating off of the restaurant gift card the ministry gave to us. I want to thank John and Dara for carrying the load for me while I've been gone. You two are great.

May God turn all our weaknesses into upgrades,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

They're Not Just For Roofs Anymore

2007-02-10T19:58:00.000-06:00

So I'm almost certain that I've come down with shingles. It doesn't seem like the name 'shingles' adequately describes the infection that I've got, and I'm thinking about petitioning the American Medical Association to change the name to "Half Of My Body Is On Fire". Maybe one of you out there who knows more Greek than I do could translate that into an impressive-sounding medical term.

I've been reading about what causes shingles, and the only cause that fits me is stress. Other than hunting through my food for assorted toxins (no thanks to you Shawn Mayes) and waiting impatiently for the new Lost episodes, I can't quite put my finger on what has been stressing me out over the last month. I don't want to compare my life to Job's, but if a barbarian horde comes along and carries off my cat and my television, I think the comparisons will be justified.

All kidding aside, the next few weeks will be tough because I'm supposed to avoid contact with infants, which is not conducive to me being a helpful spouse. On top of that, my friend Kari Lockwood's father, Karl King passed away on Thursday. I have great memories of playing late-night Risk with him while we chowed down on Allsup's burritos. Karl had many health problems and persevered through years of pain with a Christ-like attitude and a great sense of humor. Kari and her husband Ira are preparing to move to Vienna as missionaries, and if you want to leave a message of encouragement for them, you can do so at their team website.

Uncle Chris and Auntie Michelle sent a few pictures that I really like so I'll leave you with these:

Front Row: Auntie Michelle, Mr. Shingles, Adrienne, Ben, and Uncle Les
Back Row: Grandpa Kent, Grandma Merle, Uncle Chris, Ouma Kay, and Oupa Noel

Of course, we get the whole family smiling together in the same picture, and Ben pulls a face.

May your only shingles be on your house,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Who Nose

2007-02-08T00:15:00.001-06:00

You know your life is never going to be the same when the hospital sends you home with a bag full of noses - not just one or two noses but hundreds and hundreds of them. Benjamin's nose for the next six months is a little plastic cap with a moist sponge inside that goes on the end of his trach tube. Let's just say I can play a most excellent version of the "Got Your Nose" game.

Some of you know that we have two children in the house. Our oldest is still figuring out how to deal with all of the changes that have taken place over the last week. The following picture pretty much sums up the current situation. Maybe I can get this photo on the cat scripture website that Shane Coffman has mentioned in his blog. I think the verse to go with it would be John 3:30, "He must become greater; I must become less."

I'd like to take a minute to thank some special kids who have been praying for Benjamin during the past month. The kids at Memorial Drive have done some great drawings for us. You parents out there should be proud that your child has already exceeded the drawing abilities of Ben's surgeon and myself. We also received tons of creative cards from students at Wichita Christian School in Wichita Falls, Texas. I have never met any of them, but they now have a special place in our hearts. I wish I could post all of the cards and drawings, but here are a few samples of what we have received.

We are so impressed with how many people have told us their children are praying for Benjamin. There's nothing more important than teaching your kids how to have a deep and true relationship with God.

Keep it up,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Movie Debut

2007-02-03T01:37:00.000-06:00

Sea Walkers

2007-01-30T23:55:00.000-06:00

Do you realize that we've spent the last month walking on water together? If you try, you can almost feel the water splashing against your feet and the brisk wind coming off the sea as the sky begins to glow before the dawn. Can you hear Jesus calling us out of the boat even though it seems utterly foolish to hope that we could do such a thing? We have walked together by faith, and God has seen our feeble efforts and allowed us to spend a few moments with his son, standing where people do not stand. And as we get back in the boat, the only thing that seems right to do is exactly what the disciples did 2,000 years ago. They worshiped Jesus and confessed, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

Now that Benjamin is home with us and the boat is safely back at the shore, I know that some of you will praise God for his power and move on to other things that God has called you to do. One child cannot consume the prayers of so many forever. May God use Ben's life to encourage you as you serve our Father wherever you go. But Adrienne, Ben, and I are captivated by the one who has had mercy on us, and if you want to come along, I'll continue to tell the story of what God does in Ben's life as we try to keep following the one who has led us this far.

It's good to be home,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

This Just In

2007-01-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

I just got off the phone with Adrienne, and Benjamin's doctor said that Ben could go home tomorrow (Tuesday) if he passes his sleep study! Ben has been cramming for this test all day by staying wide awake and drinking lots of coffee so that he'll be totally exhausted when test-time rolls around. Here are a few more photos to keep you occupied until we know whether he passed his final.

Now Hiring

2007-01-25T11:37:00.000-06:00

Ask not for whom the stomach growls; it growls for me.

Due to some recent statements made on this blog about a certain multi-talented family member, I have found it necessary to bring on some additional help to keep things going smoothly around the house. A position is now available for someone who would like to be a taste tester for all of my meals. If you enjoy trying foods from from all over the world while searching for pieces of broken glass or traces of hazardous substances, please submit your resume to me as soon as possible. Previous experience is preferred but not required.

One other position has also opened up. My ghostwriter is tired of working for peanuts and has accepted another job writing scripts for daytime cable infomercials. Until this position can be filled, I will be forced to post essays from my 11th grade American History class to fill the space. So unless you want to start reading posts about fascinating topics like "Monetary Policies of the 1930s", please submit your resumes at once.

Now that we've got that bit of housekeeping out of the way, I've got more excellent news about Benjamin. Yesterday afternoon Ben had his MRI, and we got the results back today. The actual word used to describe the results of the test was "unremarkable". Typically if someone says this about your child's brain, it is grounds for punching them in the stomach and throwing them out the window, but in this case, it is totally awesome! They did not find anything that they would consider an abnormality. I can not tell you how much of a relief it is to hear this news.

A few weeks ago, the doctor who performed Ben's tracheostomy told me that, due to the severe oxygen deprivation that Ben experienced at birth, I shouldn't expect that Ben would be going to Harvard or even that he would be able to go to school at all. I just smiled and nodded at the time, but it felt like she had just ripped my heart out through my chest. Mercifully, the next thought that popped into my head was that I pictured Ben as more of a 'Yale' guy than a 'Harvard' guy anyway. I'm not mad at her, though, because God used her talents as a surgeon to help save my child's life. It just makes everything that God will do through Ben in the future that much more amazing.

I know that so many of you having been praying constantly that this test would come out okay, and I wish I could do more than just saying "thank you" for your faithfulness in prayer. I wake up each day, energized by the thought of getting to share stories of God's tangible steadfast love with people all over the world. All I can hope for is that through his Spirit, you can feel that same steady hand in your own life too.

To God be the glory forever,
Whit, Adrienne, and the "unremarkable" Benjamin

Parenting 101

2007-01-21T22:31:00.000-06:00

Never brag to your son about your parenting superpowers. He will produce baby kryptonite and promptly bring you to your knees. I changed a diaper a couple of days ago that had its own halftime show, overtime, and post-game interview. Just when I thought he could make no more and I could wipe no more, he started up again while maintaining a perfectly innocent look on his face - knowing that the nurse watching the whole episode was getting a kick out of it too. This event proves the second law of baby physics which states that three times the amount of milk that goes in can be expelled out either end of the child. Round two goes to Ejector Boy.

While we're on the topic of superpowers, we have been very fortunate to have my mother-in-law stay with us the whole time that Ben has been in the hospital. Kay has two superpowers that I have observed. The first is her incredible ability to serve others with a seemingly endless supply of energy. Whenever she's not helping Adrienne at the hospital, she's cooking meals, doing laundry, and pacifying the cat when he starts trying to tear the house apart. What an awesome grandma (or ouma for our South African readers) who will show Ben what it means to serve like Christ. Her other superpower is the ability to throw her stomach growls so that it sounds like something is rumbling on the other side of the house. On the surface, this gift may seem somewhat less useful, but I think she could take that show on the road and make quite a living for herself. I'm sure she'll let you know how that pans out.

Benjamin shed a silent tear this weekend as his IV and tube of fat were wheeled out of his room - never to be seen again, we hope. The rest of his weight gain will have to come the old fashioned way, mom's milk going through a tube and directly into his stomach. Do you want to know how I burp my baby? I turn a valve connected to the feeding tube, pull some air-filled milk out of Ben's tummy using a syringe and then plunge the semi-digested milk back into his tummy after all of the air has escaped. As you may have guessed, this is also not in any of the parenting books that we have purchased; though it does have its advantages over the whole spit-up rag routine.

I'd like to thank Bob and Mary Ann Harper for letting us stay at their place this weekend as we prepared for the storm of the century in Tulsa. Four to ten inches of snow and freezing rain were expected. One inch of regular old rain came down, but we still enjoyed the excuse to spend some quality time with another lovely couple from our congregation.

Ben's MRI should be coming up in the next few days so we ask for your continued prayers that all of his brain functions are normal. He seems alert and active to us, but we'd love for these tests to prove our suspicions that all is well.

May God turn your blizzards into showers,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Taken

2007-01-18T00:19:00.000-06:00

My heart is heavy this evening because one of my childhood friends was suddenly taken from this world yesterday afternoon. Adam Langford, who played on my soccer team back in the day and was in my class at Oklahoma Christian, died in a violent car accident in Uganda. Adam moved there a year ago to work with the church in Jinja so that he could bring hope to people who didn't know Jesus, especially those who had contracted AIDS and had been shunned by society.

Here's a quote from his last blog entry:
While I will never stop trying to eliminate the suffering in this world,...I am beginning to believe we need more people who are willing to enter into the suffering of others whether they can help or not. I want to choose to suffer for the sake of others. I am not always sure how to do that or what it looks like, but most days I wake up and can’t think of anything else to do.

Uganda

has problems, I pray that God will solve them, but until He does I will also pray for the strength to suffer.

Here is a man who saw suffering in Africa and poured out his life so that others might know that our Lord is a Lord who has suffered with his people. May we have the compassion and the courage to suffer as Jesus Christ and his follower Adam Langford have.

Adam's brother Ben also works in Jinja, Uganda and receives some support from Memorial Drive. If you could visit his site at http://www.jinjamissions.org and leave him a note of encouragement, I'm sure he and his family would appreciate it.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, our Ben continues to look healthier and healthier each day. Yesterday, he had a procedure to put a feeding tube directly into his tummy because he was still having problems keeping the milk down that he's been drinking through his nose (imagine that). I think you'd have acid reflux too if you drank milk that way. This new tube should allow him to put on weight much more rapidly. Ben is now set for the challenge of gaining 42 times his current body weight in order to exceed the 350 pound limit of his current crib and attain "living legend" status in the NICU.

During Ben's procedure, we had the chance to sit down with another doctor and discuss what happens next. If all goes according to plan, Ben should have an MRI next week, and if that goes well and he handles the feeding tube, we could take Ben home in 10 days! The surgeon wants to wait until Ben is sixth months old to remove the cyst so please pray that we will do a good job of taking care of Ben's special needs at home until he's ready for the surgery.

Your prayers have been answered again and again; a week ago we could not have dreamed of bringing Ben home so soon. Thanks for sharing this bittersweet day with me.

In memory of Adam,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

17,000 Words

2007-01-15T23:45:00.000-06:00

Live From St. John

2007-01-13T17:39:00.000-06:00

We're coming to you live today for the first time here at Benjamin's bedside, where the hairdos are messy and the diapers are even messier. I consider making it through 28 years of life without changing a diaper to be quite an accomplishment, but the streak has come to an end. It is said that some people have a sixth sense; as for me, I've got about three and a half. My selective hearing has had its benefits throughout my life, and now I've found that my almost total lack of a sense of smell has also started to come in handy. Even the most toxic looking diaper is no match for my newfound superpower. I hear they get much worse in the next few months so I'll let you know whether father or son wins out. Round one goes to the Senseless Wonder.

The snow and ice have been coming down here pretty well over the last day or two, and anytime we get over an eighth of an inch of ice in Tulsa, the entire city shuts down for three days. Thankfully, Chris and Linda Jones have extended their hospitality to us and allowed us to stay in their home, which is just down the street from the hospital, until the weather improves - yet another example of how great our church family is.

One more large machine has been rolled out of the room. This time it was Ben's other ventilator. That's right, Ben is breathing on his own through his trach pipe now! I can't tell you how happy I am about this. God is healing Benjamin must faster than any of us could have imagined. We can now do more of the fun stuff that other parents get to do. I held Ben in my arms for the first time. I'd show you the pictures of this, but they are trapped on my camera since my USB transfer cable is on the other side of town. Technology has a long way to go to overcome all of man's stupidity.

Ben is also off all of his medications except for some antibiotics to fight off a staph infection that is developing in the area of his tracheotomy. We'd love your prayers that this will not turn into a serious problem.

My new most favorite thing in the world: singing my boy to sleep with great songs like Blue Skies and Rainbows. My new least favorite thing in the world: watching Ben cry with no sound coming out. You would think that a baby crying on mute would be great, but it's actually scary to watch. It's good that I can use my most favorite thing to fight against my least favorite thing. I suppose God works the same way. He uses his greatest gifts, love and hope, to drive selfishness and fear out of our lives.

I'm going to get out of here soon before the next round of snow and ice hits, but I hope to get you those pictures as soon as the weather clears up. This is Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin signing off from St. John Medical Center.

World View

2007-01-11T22:49:00.000-06:00

After reading all of your comments over the past few days, I wish I could sit down and talk to each one of you face to face, especially those of you who ate all of my Christmas candy. The break room is a privilege, my friends, not a right.

I witnessed an event the other day that blew away my previous parenting world view. As you know, we've been praying that Benjamin would someday be able to drink milk; well there he was in his new crib with a tube in one nostril happily drinking milk through his nose. That was not in any of the parenting books I read, and I want my money back. God certainly has a sense of humor when he answers our prayers. Unfortunately, Ben's tummy hasn't handled the milk too well up to this point. I find it strange that the law of physics which claims that matter cannot be created or destroyed does not apply when feeding milk to an infant. The way I see it, at least three times the amount of milk that is fed to the baby comes back up the other way. I'm sure there are some useful scientific applications we can derive from this principle, but I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader.

Benjamin also had his first official weigh-in yesterday. He can now officially be considered a NICU super-heavyweight at 8 pounds 14 ounces. Apparently Ben shares his father's love of the late night snack while no one is looking. I have requested that the chips and salsa be removed from the NICU kitchen until further notice (for his sake and mine).

Some of you have been asking that more pictures be posted. Your wish is my command - eventually. Today Ben had his first professional photo shoot done by Jenny Connell, a friend of ours from Memorial Drive. She does great work; if any of you in the Tulsa area ever want incredible pictures of your newborn baby, she's the one to go to. As soon as we get them, I'll put some out there for all of you.

I've let this go too long, but I want to give a huge thank you to all of our brothers and sisters at Memorial Drive Church of Christ. We showed up on Sunday, and you poured out your love on us until our empty tanks were full again. So many of you knew exactly what to say to encourage us, and it was just another reminder of why we fell in love with all of you in the first place. You have taken care of our food and transportation needs, and you have built us up so we can face the challenges of the week ahead. You are the hands and feet of Jesus to us.

I'd also like to brag on our preacher, Terry Rush, who has preached several sermons that have prepared us for the storm we are in. In one of these sermons, Terry challenged us to imagine how we would deal with tragedy in our own lives after several people in our congregation passed away within a short time of each other. He didn't want this to be a morbid exercise, but he wanted us to envision ourselves doing things God's way even under terrible circumstances. I imagined losing both Adrienne and Benjamin during Ben's delivery. I saw myself disappearing into my bedroom at the house and not coming out for months, not talking to anyone, not doing anything. This exercise made me realize that I didn't want to end up like that if something bad happened. God deserves better than that from me. Thankfully, that worst nightmare has not occurred, and we can rest in your arms as we deal with the frustration of not being able to take our baby home. Thank you Terry for preparing us for this, and thank you church family all over the world for not letting us silently disappear when trouble came our way.

May you have the same peace that you give us,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Working Lunch

2007-01-09T12:42:00.000-06:00

I'm on lunch break right now up at my office so come on in, pull up a chair, and I'll get you caught up on everything that's been happening since we last talked. There's coffee in the break room if you want something to drink but keep your hands off the leftover Christmas candy. I've already counted it all so I'll know if one piece goes missing.

Your faithfulness in prayer has been rewarded as Benjamin continues to grow stronger each day. I thought about listing all of the countries where people are praying for us, but I soon figured out that it would be much easier to list the countries that I haven't heard from yet. If you have family in Antarctica or Guam, please fill them in on what God has been doing during the last week.

Yesterday afternoon a surgeon came in to visit Ben and perform a Bronchoscopy, which basically means they put a tiny camera down Ben's throat to see what's going on. Originally, they thought Ben had a rare condition called laryngotracheo-esophageal cleft (LTEC), aka improperly formed trachea and esophagus. After looking around Ben's trachea, however, the doctor believes that Ben does not have LTEC but something called a laryngeal cyst.

In keeping with our theme of mixing amazing medical technology with caveman technology, I now present to you the drawing our surgeon made for us after he completed the procedure. After looking at his drawing style, I have determined that he must have attended the same art school that I did. I have added labels to his picture for clarity.

From what the doctor can tell, Ben's trachea and esophagus are formed correctly. There's just a huge cyst blocking almost all of his airway. The cyst was so large that he was not able to see what what the trachea looked like between the cyst and the tracheotomy incision, but he does not believe that there are any other defects further on down past the cyst. This is still a serious condition, but not as bad as the doctor's had originally thought.

The doctor wants Ben to get bigger and stronger before he performs the surgery to remove the cyst so it could be many months before that happens. We are so grateful that it doesn't look like the massive reconstruction surgery that they thought it was going to be. There is a possibility of damage to Ben's vocal cords, but it's also possible that they could be totally unaffected by the cyst.

That leaves one more big unknown for us to pray about. Early tests on Ben's brain function have been encouraging, but it will still be a while before the scans can be done to determine if damage has been done. I'm hopeful that God has healed Ben's mind as well as his body, but we try to wait patiently for God and subject ourselves to his decisions.

For the first time yesterday, Adrienne was able to hold Ben in her hands while the nurses changed his sheets. I just watched in pleased silence as she gave him kisses on his little swollen head. Because the tracheotomy site is healing well, they are able to put Ben on his side for the first time. This should allow some of the fluid to start draining from his head, but for now he looks like a little bulldog as the built up fluid moves into his face. Mom doesn't seem to care though, since they have finally taken the tubes out of his mouth and nose.

All these events have made me think of a story from the book of John. The disciples of Jesus saw a man blind from birth, and they asked Jesus, "Who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." Thank you for being our fellow witnesses as we see the mercy and works of God displayed in our little son.

Do it all for the glory of God,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Lockdown

2007-01-06T19:03:00.000-06:00

Well, it happened. Benjamin is only 6 days old, and he has already been handcuffed. On Thursday night after we had gone home for the evening, Ben decided to make things interesting by knocking out his ventilator tube. The punishment for his insurrection: Velcro baby restraints on both his wrists to keep him from trying any other stunts. I'm sure he is plotting another escape attempt even as I write these words.

So many good things have happened over the last two days that I'm not sure where to start. The biggest development was probably his switch over from an oscillating ventilator to a standard ventilator. The picture at the right is the high tech oscillator drain sitting on top of the oscillator (which I'm sure costs more than I make in several years). No, the drain isn't hiding behind the Styrofoam cup; it is the Styrofoam cup. This is the only modern medical equipment I can truly understand. Anyway, the oscillator pumps hundreds of shallow breaths into Benjamin every minute which is better for his fragile lungs, but if he stays on this machine for too long, it can keep his lungs from working properly in the future. Needless to say, we are very happy that the oscillator is no longer in Benjamin's room. I'll have to ask whether they recycle the cup for the next patient.

The nurses also rolled one other large machine out of the room today. Ben was receiving nitric oxide to improve blood flow in his lungs, but he no longer needs that either. I get the feeling that the doctors and nurses are surprised that he is off of these machines so quickly.

The best part of all of this, though, is getting to see Benjamin start responding to us. For the first time yesterday, Benjamin was able to wrap his little fingers around my finger. That was a moment of pure parental bliss that will never leave my mind as long as I live. His grip was not the light grip of a baby barely holding on to life, but a grip that would have pulled out all of his wires and tubes, if the rest of his body would have cooperated.

Even after this, God was not through giving us late Christmas presents. Today, I saw Benjamin open his eyes for the first time. I don't think he wanted to look me directly in the eye after all of the pranks he's been pulling, but we got a nice long look at each other. My son knows who I am now - we have seen each other face to face.

In all of this great news, the days are still not without sadness. I see my wife sitting quietly in an empty nursery every day, pumping milk for a child who may never be able to drink it. I will never be able to comprehend how difficult and disappointing it is for her right now, but she continues to walk by faith nonetheless.

I'll wrap this up by showing you my new most favorite picture in the world. I have seen the Mona Lisa, as well as masterpieces by Van Gogh, Picasso, and many others, but this smile on my wife's face as she looks at my only son makes all those other works look like finger paintings.

May God give us all the strength to smile like this when times are tough,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

All The Difference

2007-01-04T23:33:00.000-06:00

The great mohawk rebellion of '07 has been suppressed. Last night, Benjamin was doing well enough for the doctors to hook him up for an electroencephalogram (EEG). His hair has been matted down, and his head is now covered with electrodes that are monitoring the electrical activity in his brain. It's still not a full brain scan, but hopefully we'll get a clearer picture of what's going on after the test is completed this evening. Ben was not going down without a fight; however, and he managed to overflow his urine container so that the nurses had to clean up quite a puddle on the floor. His uncle Les did inform me that Ben's hairstyle is actually a fauxhawk because the sides are not shaven so maybe Ben isn't as much of a rebel as I originally thought.

Last night, Ben was also taken off of his dopamine drip so he is down to one heart medication called dobutamine that they have started to cut back on as well. One other thing that the doctors have done is change his sedation medicine. He is still asleep all of the time, but he moves around a lot more than he did before. This should keep him from getting sores and from losing muscle, but it also means he has a higher risk for knocking out his ventilator tube. It makes me kind of nervous to watch him move around with everything hooked up to him, but I know it's good for his little body.

Because he is moving around more, I actually got to see him try to yawn for the first time today. Unfortunately, it was while I was trying to read him a story. I told him that I know Benjamin Bunny is not exactly a cliffhanger and Beatrix Potter can be an acquired taste for some, but he should at least give it a shot in my opinion.

You will not guess the last book I checked out from the library and started reading right before Ben was born. It's the latest book by Philip Yancey called "Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?" I may finish up the book some day, but I must say that all of you have helped make the answer self-evident: Prayer Makes All the Difference in the World! I am strengthened daily by your prayers and words of encouragement; I see my son improving day by day, and I know that I would not have any peace in this situation without God's comforting Spirit.

I will not be posting a blog entry tomorrow so that I can make sure I spend enough time with my beautiful wife, but please continue to speak with God about our son. Thank you for your overwhelming love and care for us.

Hope and comfort to all of you,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Kids These Days

2007-01-03T23:46:00.000-06:00

As I walked into the NICU this morning, I said hello to Benjamin and told him it was my birthday today. Ben is sedated twenty-four hours a day so that he won't mess with all of his tubes, but that doesn't mean he can't move his little tongue around. He started blowing bubbles to celebrate with me. I've always been one for understated birthday parties, but there was no holding Ben back.

I was also surprised to find that Ben is now sporting a two-inch tall mohawk. I didn't think that I was going to have to deal with this kind of behavior until he was a teenager. The NICU nurses are definitely a bad influence on him.

Ben also appears to be disappointed that there are no cheese burgers in the NICU, but he seems to be happy with the alternative. One of the syringes contains nothing but fat that is pumped directly into his body. He is living the American dream.

Today has been a great day for Benjamin, and we continue to find strength in God through all of your prayers. Many of you know that I was a computer science major at OC and have no real knowledge of anything in the medical realm, but I will now attempt to give you my "Medical Lingo for Dummies" version of what the doctors and nurses have told me. Ben has been totally taken off of his Epinephrine drip, which was keeping his pulse rate up. He is also being weened off of Dopamine which was keeping his blood pressure up. This is great news because it moves him one step closer to being physically ready for surgery to repair his trachea and esophagus.

We also received report back from a brain ultrasound that was done yesterday. This is not a full brain scan, but it checks to see whether the structure of the brain is normal. They wanted to see if any capillaries had ruptured due to the trauma of his delivery. We are happy to say that they did not see any damage.

On top of all that, Adrienne was released from the hospital on Monday and has been recovering quickly. She is my joy in sad moments, and I know Ben gets his toughness from her.

What a blessing to hold my baby's hand and get so much good news on my birthday. I know there will be days when he will have setbacks and struggles, but I want to thank all of you for praying so hard for our little boy and sharing the good times with us. We read all of the comments you leave here and they touch us deeply. Please pray for all the doctors and nurses who have been serving us with their talents. We have nothing but great things to say about all of them.

With much love,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin

Big Ben

2007-01-02T21:45:00.000-06:00

There are so many things I want to say to all of you who have been praying for our little Benjamin. We thank all of you for pouring out your love on us through prayers, calls, visits, and gifts. How can one doubt the love and goodness of God when he uses you as his arms to hold us and his shoulders for us to cry on?

I'd like for you to get a glimpse of what we have gone through these past three days so that the situation will be more real to you as you pray to God. I know it can be difficult to pray for someone when they are just another name on a prayer list. (You can skip to the bottom of this post if you just want to know the basic facts.)

Benjamin's due date was the 28th of December, but he decided that he was quite happy with life in the womb and could wait a few more days for life on the outside . One of our friends suggested that we serve him an eviction notice, but Ben apparently has little respect for the law. Adrienne tried a few other labor-inducing techniques but to no avail. Then we finally figured out what to do. Since Adrienne's family was in town, we decided to take them to an authentic diner on Route 66. Adrienne ordered a plate of cheese fries and a chocolate milkshake. Within minutes Ben must have decided that life on the outside can't be all that bad, and if he was out on his own he wouldn't have to share his cheese fries with mom anymore. Adrienne started having regular contractions so we made our way to St. John Hospital around 7:00 p.m. on December 30th.

Adrienne's mom, Kay, and I were with Adrienne through the whole labor and delivery process. Adrienne wants me to make sure I recommend epidurals to all the future mothers out there. In her words at the time, "This is AMAZING. I haven't felt this good in months." Her labor progressed steadily, and by about 4:00 Sunday morning we knew the time was getting close. Adrienne pushed and pushed but also made time to remind her mother to breathe so she wouldn't pass out while helping to coach the delivery. It was a struggle, but at 5:35 on Sunday morning, December 31st Benjamin Kent Gatewood was born.

I was so proud of Adrienne for how hard she had worked these past nine months to bring Ben into the world. The next thing I knew, a nurse was handing me scissors and telling me to cut the umbilical cord. I cut the cord and gave Adrienne a giant hug and kiss.

Then things got crazy. It took a few moments, but I noticed that a lot of people were gathering around Ben at the table across the room. I cannot explain how absolutely terrifying it is to witness a delivery and then realize that the baby is not crying. Adrienne was being stitched up and could not see what was going on, but I watched in horror as my baby rested motionless on the table as doctors and nurses tried desperately to resuscitate him. Minutes passed by and none of the doctors or nurses said a word to us. We knew it was bad, and at that point I started dealing with the possibility that our baby was dead. I crumpled to my knees and cried out to God in groans that only his Spirit can interpret.

But the doctors and the nurses kept working and working. Eventually they told us that there was a blockage in the baby's throat that was keeping them from getting sufficient oxygen into the baby's lungs. The nurses were hand pumping oxygen into him, but he was barely hanging on. They realized that a surgeon would be needed to do an emergency tracheostomy so they could bypass the blockage. We sat there stunned in the delivery room with Benjamin for two hours while all of this was going on.

When the surgeon finally came, the three of us were taken out of the room. One of the doctors let us know that we needed to prepare ourselves because there was a good chance Benjamin wouldn't make it. Well he did make it, and the surgeon came in and told us that they were moving Ben to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). She said that things did not look good at all for him because of all the trauma he had already endured, but they would do all they could to keep him going. We found out that Ben's esophagus and trachea had not formed properly and that he would need further surgery to repair the birth defect.

After all of this, I can't tell you how discouraged I was. I knew in my mind that God could do anything, but my heart had a more difficult time believing that there was any hope for Ben. Many people from the Memorial Drive Church of Christ came up to pray with us throughout the day and lifted up our spirits up during a very dark hour.

There are many other stories I can tell you about the last three days, but I'll finish up with this one. After they moved Benjamin down to the NICU, they let us go down to see him, and we finally got the chance to touch our little one. I wept so much when I saw my innocent child hooked up to so many machines. Babies shouldn't have to go through any of that. But I came in the next day and had a chance to be with him by myself. I had the urge to tell him a Bible story so he would at least know something about God before he went to see him. For some reason, I began to tell him the story of Jesus walking on the water and how amazing it was to the disciples - they thought they saw a ghost. But Peter told Jesus that he wanted to come out on the water with him. Jesus told him to come so Peter started to walk out to him, but he looked out at his surroundings and began to drown. Jesus pulled him out, and said "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" I realized then that I will not doubt Jesus any more. My baby is still alive and while he is still alive, I will have hope, not despair. And if God takes him from me, I will have faith and not doubt that I will see him again at God's right hand.

Here's where Benjamin stands right now:
Benjamin was born on December 31st at 5:35 in the morning. He weighs 7 pounds 6 ounces and is 19 and a half inches tall (I like that better than long). He is in critical condition in the NICU and has a respirator keeping him going right now. He is receiving many medications that he will need to get off of before he can have more surgery to repair his trachea and esophagus. It will probably be a couple of weeks before that surgery would be possible. If that is successful, he would next have a brain scan to see if there was any damage due to the low oxygen levels that he had in the first few hours of his life. The doctor said Ben would need to be in the hospital for several months in order to recover from all of this. We serve a God who can heal Ben completely, and I hope that you will pray for that. But I also hope that you will pray for God to give our family the strength to handle whatever he decides should happen. Thanks for reading this, and I will post more news here as I have the strength to write it.

God's peace be with you all,
Whit, Adrienne, and Benjamin